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Stranger in a Strange Land Newsletter: June 2007

Dear Readers,
Here's the travel newsletter I write even if I'm not travelling! If that seems outrageous, read no further, have a great summer, and wear sunscreen! At the same time, when printed-out this newsletter could be a great beach read. I'm just saying think about it. Actually, this particular edition isn't really right for the beach but past and future editions are definite possibilities.

There's a few things I've been thinking about writing, including finishing that story I left off with in the last newsletter but honestly, one thing that's made it difficult to write is my grandmother passing away last month. She actually wasn't my mom or my dad's mom, she was my first landscaping client years ago, we got to know each other, and eventually realized we had developed a sort of grandmother/grandson relationship. Verna was someone in whose eyes I could do no wrong. Gerzons can be uncomfortable with someone who isn't at all critical of them but actually I think it's good for all of us to have someone like that in our lives. That's not really the parents place, after all they know their children too well to think they can do no wrong. But it's good to have someone who only sees the best in you, and Verna was that person for me.

She's also the first person I really got to know who has died. Honestly, the way it really sunk in for me was when I thought about e-mailing her. When I travel I'm actually okay not seeing most of the people I know for months at a time as long as we can keep in touch. Even when I was on the other side of the world, after I hadn't seen her for months, I knew I could e-mail Verna and in a few days get back a really nice e-mail, talking about how proud she was of me and how exciting she thought my new plans were. So it really sunk in that she was gone when I realized that if I e-mailed Verna now, she would never write back. It's a sad thought that fills me with some awe. My friend Trey, he might never write me back, but Verna just never will!

Still, I can re-word what I said and say that if I now send Verna a message, not an e-mail but a message of another kind, then she will respond. I believe that is true and good and an important part of reality to remember. And I believe she's doing okay right now, wherever she is. At the same time, we can't have lunch together or play Tarot cards anymore (you didn't think I'd adopt a normal elderly woman as my grandmother did you?) and that is sad.

While thinking about death, I've been thinking about how people live their lives and about that middle-aged German guy with a potbelly who I met in Thailand! Last year in April, I walked underneath a tree to watch the sun set on the Mekong River that forms the border with Laos and noticed him also enjoying the view. We started talking and when he found-out I was American he said excitedly, even happily, "Oh, I like your President Bush! And I don't like Muslim people!" I found myself disagreeing. But I disagreed so much that I didn't even argue. I know some people won't believe me, but I just let him talk. Basically, he viewed the war in Iraq as something necessary to contain the unruly, irrational hate of the Muslim people there, and keep it from spreading further like a fire. I believe it was ultimately fear behind his reasoning.

Whatever was behind it, even after listening to him explain, I did find myself completely disagreeing but liking the guy and enjoying talking to him. He was serious, intense, and kind of funny, the way many Germans are! I often get along well with Germans and he and most German speakers are usually very excited to realize I speak a little bit of their language. I should also say that most Germans do not share his views. He repeated it actually and I will too: most Germans do not support Bush and are not openly against Muslims. Through talking to him I learned a lot, including a lot about Thailand: he had lived there a long time.

So on one level, political and social views don't matter that much, it's about people, connecting with people regardless of political views. Still, it is about people, and people who look at their lives through fear, hate, and looking down on others miss out on so much of life, let alone the people around them who are hurt or destroyed because of their fear. Without even getting into politics, people who scorn or mistreat others on a small scale, for whatever reason, miss out on beautiful parts of life. And that's a very sad thing. I've been thinking about that. It seems that people can't help it in some ways, but at the same time they can. I see that in people, good people, doing stupid, mean things and probably knowing what they're doing but just not being able to stop themselves on some level. Of course, it takes one to no one: I can see it in others because I've seen it in myself!

That's what happened in Korea: it became abundantly clear that I was arguing with people, trying to make a point, when I knew it would make things much more difficult for me! So I got kicked-off farms left and right. Sometimes what you need is compassion, sometimes what you need is a kick in the you know what.

Korea kicked me. I realized what I was doing to myself and I realized I didn't have to. I could hold my tongue when that was the best thing to do. Most people learn to do that at a pretty young age. It took me until the age of twenty-two. You learn some things quickly, others more slowly, you know? It was an amazing process, and I'm glad I understand that about myself and I'm able to understand it about others more as well. At the same time, if someone is a compulsive liar, is hateful, passive aggressive, outright aggressive, or whatever, you can understand that they can't help it on some level, that they are going through a process, on a journey, but it doesn't mean you have to be a victim! That'd be missing the point actually. It's having compassion for someone while not letting them abuse you, that's the real challenge.

The good news is there are so many things that want to help us along the journey, growing, learning, living, and all that good stuff. Actually, there's a quote I've been meaning to share that I happened upon on the first day of the trip that took me from San Francisco to South Korea, Japan, Thailand and Laos in October of 2005. While I waited for my sister Megan to finish her "laughing class" (that's right, all they did was laugh during the whole class, this is San Francisco), I looked through a book of poems by Rumi, a 13th Century Persian Muslim writer from modern day Afghanistan. And I found the following passage. In some ways, it's about travelers like me and it fit perfectly with the journey I was about to take. At the same time it can be about all of us who are travelers on the Earth, Strangers in this Strange Land.

Best,
Eli


"Traveler, don't try to decide where to stop. Whatever you are attracted to, you weary of.

From a sperm cell to a young man to an old man, notice the changes.

Stay light on your feet and keep moving.

Speak any language Turkish, Greek, Persian, Arabic, but always speak with love."

-Rumi