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Stranger in a Strange Land Newsletter June, 2004

Stranger in a Strange Land Newsletter June, 2004

Dear Readers,
Another month has come to an end and here is another Stranger in a Strange Land Newsletter. But alas, I don't have very much news for the newsletter: I've worked, made money, cried on the shoulder of my girlfriend because she is to leave Osaka in a few weeks, and planned for my trip to Bali tomorrow... that's about it.

So, for this month I'm going to give you some long awaited observations of Japan. I must admit some of it is reproduced from the Gerzon Weekly which features things such as this and now some very personal, soul searching writing. I wanna write! And the Gerzon Weekly is my laboratory and my readers, my guinea pigs. If you would like to be a poor, defenseless guinea pig send me an e-mail for the Weekly. But the Newsletter will remain fairly safe, fun filled news:

In Japan the toilets are geniuses and the traffic lights are gods. More about the toilets in a moment, first about the traffic lights: there will be absolutely no cars in sight, it might be a very narrow street, there may be many young, able-bodied individuals, and yet everyone will stand still until the light turns green. I'll be in a hurry or just prefer to walk rather than stand in place and walk right out into the street totally alone. I always wonder if there is some car I didn't notice but as of yet I seem to have saved myself a lot time by just thinking for myself. "You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows." as Bob said awhile ago. Wow, I could actually glean a lot of symbolism about me and about Japan from that one observation, but I'll just leave it at that and move onto the toilets:

As I said, the toilets are geniuses in Japan. One of them beat me in chess last week. No, only kidding: I beat him. The features include: a seat which lifts itself up as you enter the bathroom, buttons to push to lift and lower the seat, an automated aquatic... anal cleanser (you can control the force and the temperature of the water!), sometimes heated seats (great children's book author, Raold Dahl, would have loved this function because it would have saved HIM the job when he was a child [read autobiography: BOY]), and often the water used to flush is re-used to wash ones hands. Well, I should say "pre-used" to wash ones hands ("re-used" sounds really bad): after you flush, new water comes out of a pipe in the back of toilet and you can wash your hands under it as it flows down to refill the tank. It's quite clever and efficient I think. Then there are toilets which are basically holes in the ground: you squat, straddle the hole and do your business as nature, and our anatomy, intended. It's very healthy, though it is a bother at times...

Here comes the Gerzon Weekly section. I edited it, but I'll sign-off now. You all take care and enjoy the summer. Talk to you soon...

Yours,
Eli


Things considered, if not polite, acceptable in Japan:

-slurping soup and noodles, loudly

-if the bowl is small enough picking ones bowl up and holding it to your face

-if the bowl is too small putting face basically down IN the bowl... to slurp

-there are very few serving spoons or chopsticks in this country, as a result it is perfectly acceptable to use your personal utensils to serve yourself throughout your meal

Blowing your nose is really something you have to be discreet and polite about but:

-coughing, I tell you, is something that is shared with the entire community around you: they just don’t seem to worry too much about covering their mouths or turning away. Impelled by embarrassment I've honestly had the motherly urge to tell friends to cover their mouths, for goodness sake.

-many a lugee is hocked here in Japan, I hear or see someone make some big spits almost as often as I see kimonos here, which is, to remind you, about once a day

Being on time is very important, and I’m getting used to it and I’m now good at it but:

-if someone’s late AT ALL it’s okay to call them: I was literally 30 seconds late and someone called me and I arrived some seconds after I finished the call with them. I also got the urge to do the same to someone else but my American manners (yes there's such a thing) kicked in and the student arrived soon

-being early is very common and acceptable, but especially if someone is coming to your house, you really count on those last five minutes and it becomes rude to be early as well as late, in my opinion

The table manners I actually enjoy, the projecting of germs is only annoying, and these issues about time I don’t mind but:

-actually BEING at a place is not so important as being ON TIME: people cancel at the last minute, cancel over and over, and sometimes JUST DON’T SHOW-UP.
This I find very rude. This is not something I was warned about and never particularly imagined and it is possible that I’m only dealing with a strange anomalous group of Japanese people. But it’s a pretty long list of people who have done at least one of those uncouthities. I don’t know. Part of it is the fact that a Japanese person will truly sacrifice truth in exchange for politeness. One can philosophize about whether one should be TOTALLY honest or just simply be polite, where the line is drawn etc. but the Japanese often go way beyond the line wherever it may be. I find being overly polite impolite.

-people will say "thank you very much" over and over again, in America and even more so in Europe people really don’t like that: different German people have told me not to say "thanks" and not to say "sorry" so often.

-restaurants are so loud with the cacophony of phony "thank you very much!" and "welcome to our shop!" I don’t like loud noises...

Well there it is: I said Gerzon Weekly would offend and alter the way you look at things and here I offer some evidence that Japanese people aren’t as polite as they pertain to be! Humpf. Anyway, like all people, they are full of contradictions and at the same time they are not...